I was talking to my friend through text about motherhood. I had just come back from visiting my brother's family and my new nephew. I experienced changing gross diapers for the first time, learned how to soothe the cries, and pretty much learned a lot besides being able to actually feed an infant. I expressed to my friend that I could actually picture myself as a mother after this experience. As a child I wasn't the girl who had multiple dolls to cuddle, fake feed, and put in a miniature crib. I didn't long for the day of wiping butts and feeding little faces. I pictured myself being a mother, but for some reason couldn't day dream about it like others seemed to be doing.
Then I started to get up on my soap box about motherhood. But only with those who completely agreed with me or at least didn't step in and argue otherwise. Just being honest. For so long I have felt passionately about the need to give myself 100% to my future children, but never voiced it out into public because I had zero experience with my own children. I don't know what it is like to go day in and day out without personal space. I don't know what it is like to have someone in that space wanting, wanting, and WANTING. I don't have kids. All I have is a cat and he pretty much takes care of his own. So what right do I have to say something now?
I know how to do jobs that no one else wants to do. I know what it takes to do something that anyone else could potentially do, but take the initiative and do it myself. I have a degree, but don't work a degree driven job. I know how to multi-task. These are all things that a parent goes through. This isn't to say that I have it all figured out. No, I certainly don't and I cower at the thought of how much responsibility would rest on my shoulders being a parent.
All I am saying is that I will not go back on my word when I finally do have children of my own. I want to see all the milestones, be the one to say it's all ok or not ok, and share that with my husband when he comes home. I want to say, "hey Chris! Today baby smiled at me for 10 minutes!" and then try and get baby to smile back at him. Ya, I could be out there in the world saving the day, but what is life if I cannot be there to save those in my own home?
So after texting my friend a while I asked her what it was like to stay home and be with her long awaited son. I asked her if she missed her work. She said that, yes, she did miss her job, but that she didn't want to give up these moments for anything.
She also said it was completely ok to voice my thoughts as a childless woman. ;)