I am an extremely visual person. Everything that I remember and do is based off of visual memory banks that I have set up within my mind. When I was in college and taking an exam, I would recall the actual page that the answers fell upon in my mind as images. So when I found it hard to pray, I blamed my reasons for not speaking with God on the fact that I couldn't see Him. Then I thought about how I could write down my prayers. I could then visually see what I was telling God since I couldn't see Him. I also wouldn't forget that we had talked. A while back I shared about this experience and since then I have seen myself grow in my communication with God. I decided to write about this progress today because I have one more page left in my journal.
There were days when I forgot to write and others I stopped in the middle and didn't finish. It isn't perfect, but it is progress.
I was thinking about how things have changed and realized that every one of the things that I have earnestly prayed for, that I remember at the moment, have been answered. Many of the prayers required growth on my part and real soul changing. It required time. Since I have these things written down I can provide myself with the proof that, YES, God does change even the impossible. I started the journal while struggling with anxiety and some depression. Today, I am a whole lot less anxious and life is more meaningful to say the least. My struggles are more bearable because of God. The littlest things used to through me in a fit and now I breathe deep, write it down, and problem solve with God as my consultant.
I have seen myself mature in my relationship with God and it has been grounding. I don't say this to sound put together or more advanced. I say this because I want others to understand that the struggle they have in understanding their relationship with God can be resolved. I say it also to share that our relationship with God should be just as real as with a friend. The expectations we put on our relationship with Him are just as outrageous as the ones we put on those closest to us.
So after tomorrow I will be writing in this new journal. When I write out a prayer, I just fill up a page. In this new one it is a little bigger than the last so I will have more room to write. Things are becoming more natural and we have more to talk about. Each time a prayer is answered, which is usually in the quietest of ways, I am more apt to write down another question, thank you, or request.
Another very important aspect that I almost forgot about is that before I even write my prayers in my journal, I read God's Love Letter to me. The Bible is filled with so many answers and resolutions that can be applied to our lives. Most recently I have been wishing for more wisdom so I started to read Proverbs. Sometimes we forget that the conversation is two ways. Asking God to speak to me before I read His Word is pretty important to me. I don't want to misconstrue what He is trying to explain. In my humanness it is easy.
After a quick prayer for guidance and then listening to God speak through His Word, I can peacefully respond and pour out my heart to Him. It might sound like I am trying to work through a bunch of things to get to God, but that isn't the case. I want my heart to be out on the table in all its honesty. I don't want the devil in the way or even my sin. So I let God come to me, cover me with His goodness, and then we talk. We work through the dirt and confusion. I know that in His presence the truth will be uncovered and the sin wiped away.
How do you connect with others? What are some ways that you have adapted in your relationship with God that have brought you closer to Him and the truth? Are you looking for ways to get closer to Jesus? I urge you, figure out how you communicate with others and see if it works with God. He will for sure help you along the way. That is one of the things that is pretty awesome about God. He knows your heart before you even know His.