I remember having to stand up in front of the class and having to give a talk. At first, I would be all nervous giggles and feeling like my arms were 10 feet long. Complete awkwardness. Then over a few minutes (which felt like hours), I would start to warm up and actually see the reactions on everyone's faces. Instead of being distracted by my nerves I started to enjoy making people laugh or getting them into the topic.
Nowadays things are a little different. I don't have people to distract me from my awkwardness and I don't have a professor pushing me to prepare a speech. It's just me pushing me to share my voice on the internet. Making sure that I don't sound too stuffy seems to be a struggle for me. Sharing consistently feels forced, but necessary. I have been trying to do it every weekday for a while now, flapping my 10 foot arms in the process.
This week I decided not to post every weekday. At first I was afraid of backing away from my commitment. Then I thought about how I have been pushing myself in all areas of my life a little too hard. I forgot to give my cat his meds. I don't think I have cooked a single meal in over a month. I have been snacking instead. When I am home I am either researching coding for web design or making sure I have a photo up on Instagram.
It is good to work hard for what we want, but at the same time it is also good to lay out schedules that include relaxing and filling our creative selves. I have had to be honest with myself and say that I need to learn a little bit about time management and self care. What do you think? Right now I am sipping ginger tea that my mom made me. Earlier this morning, in the cold brisk air, I went out and took photos of my parents. Being in the fresh country air, sitting in the kitchen feeling the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, and just relaxing... is just GOOD.
Is there a happy medium that includes work and pleasure? Can we both get our voice out there, without the nervous giggles, and still treat ourselves with care? I think so. It just takes time and I aim to find a happy place where I can both be consistent with my voice and relaxed at the same time. You know, enjoy the process right along side each one of you.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!